Let's Talk About Sex

Now that I have your attention, I want to address a disturbing trend. We know that roughly 50% of marriages end in divorce, but in 30% of those cases, lack of intimacy is cited as the reason. Sexless marriages are on the rise, from 16% in 2018 to 25% currently. 75% of sexless marriages will end in divorce. It’s safe to conclude that sex is a pretty big deal.

Most assume that men want sex more than women, and while this is true to some degree, I would argue that it’s not quite as extreme a difference as society would make it out to be.

Now, let me be clear. In this brief essay I am not attempting solve everyone’s marriage or sex issues, but I do want to share some perspective after a decade of coaching. Here it is, and this shouldn’t be shocking. Fit people have better sex and more of it. Also, fellas, ladies don’t like your dad bod. I think if women were honest, the reason they say they like a dad bod is because they feel like if they justify his dad bod then he has to reciprocate and can’t complain about her being out of shape.

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It’s not shocking that a woman would reject the sexual advances of her spouse if she doesn’t feel confident in her body. Why would she want to have sex if she doesn’t feel sexy? Of course there is a lot more that goes into this. The husband needs to love and pursue his wife, not just come onto her when he wants sex; but, speaking from experience, a lot of marriages of my clients have improved when one or both partners get in great physical shape.

The idea that once you’re settled down you can just let yourself go is selfish and disrespectful. You should want to be sexually attractive to your partner. This goes both ways. Men, put down the beer and pick up a dumbbell. You don’t need to be an adonis, but if you put some size on your chest and arms, your lady will love feeling like she’s being hugged by a bear. Ladies, put a squat bar on your back and I promise your man will have no problem whipping out the check book to buy all the new pants you need because you put some junk in the trunk.

Again, I am not trying to oversimplify a deep and complex issue, but I am telling you that being physically fit goes a long way for and your partner. It’s not just about physical well being. It plays a big role in your relational wellbeing.

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